Articles – Women’s Health
“Healthy” People for a “Healthy” Holiday
by Jane Grafton, Managing Editor of Christian Womanhood
Evangelist Kevin Walker is also a field representative for Hyles-Anderson College. When the Walker family was in her area, my sister Joan invited the Walkers to her house for dinner and an evening of fellowship. She later called and told me what a great time they’d had singing, playing games, and visiting. She said, “They are so healthy to be around.” What Joan meant was that the Walkers are the type of people who uplift, encourage, help, and influence for eternity. I Corinthians 16:18a says, “For they have refreshed my spirit and your’s….” “Healthy” people refresh the spirit of others. “Unhealthy” people cause others to feel negative and discouraged.
With holidays coming—Thanksgiv-ing, Christmas and New Year’s—I want to address the issue of “healthy” relationships. Most people get together with extended family during holiday times. Whether saved or unsaved, there are extended family members who are “healthy” and “unhealthy.”
Exactly what do “healthy” people do that refreshes the spirit of others?
They Are Careful With Their Words.
1. They talk of positives—the blessings of the Lord, nature, good family memories, etc.
2. They look for the good and praise rather than criticize. They keep negative opinions to themselves.
3. They talk about ideas rather than people. (Talk about people almost always turns negative.)
4. They find “common ground” and keep the conversation on those subjects instead of bringing up controversial issues where family members disagree.
They Have a Great Sense of Humor.
1. Proverbs 17:22 says, “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.”
2. “Healthy” people find humor in situations and laugh a lot. They easily and often laugh at themselves, but their humor is not found in putting others down and getting a laugh at someone else’s expense.
They Have Good, Clean Fun.
1. Their humor is clean. They don’t seem to have the need to tell off-color jokes to get a laugh.
2. They play games such as Monopoly, Scrabble, and other board games with lots of fun and laughter interspersed throughout the game.
They Realize That People Are More Important Than Things.
1. They would rather spend time with the people they came to visit than sit and play video games or watch television, both of which lead to very little interaction between family members.
2. If something is broken or damaged, they are more concerned about the person who damaged it than the “thing.” I recall one year at my sister Jan’s, one of the children knocked a knickknack off of a shelf and broke it. The mother felt so bad, but Jan’s response was, “Oh, no big deal.” She went on to let the mother know she was not upset about the broken “pretty.” Jan has a beautiful home that is nicely decorated, and she takes care of and carefully maintains her house, but she keeps her “things” in proper perspective.
WHAT TO DO
What should you do if your holiday gatherings are sometimes “unhealthy,” or what should you do if you want to keep them from becoming that way? First, put into practice the characteristics previously listed. You will also benefit from instituting the following principles:
Limit your visit. Years ago I learned a wonderful principle from Marlene Evans, the founder of Christian Womanhood. She explained that it did not matter if someone is driving only a few hours to visit loved ones or flying across the country. Her suggestion was that you never visit for more than three to five days. (Sometimes much less depending on circumstances.) Proverbs 25:17 says, “Withdraw thy foot from thy neighbour’s house; lest he be weary of thee, and so hate thee.” Even in the closest of families and the healthiest of situations, it is best not to “overstay” your welcome. Also, don’t stay longer than you should for the well-being of your family. Just because you have the time off of school or work does not mean you should spend the entire vacation away from home.
Stay at a motel. To save money, families often “pile in” on each other. This can quickly lead to negative situations. People need their space and their privacy. Choosing to stay at a motel is not making a statement that you don’t love your family. Quite the opposite. Because you love them and want quality time with them, you are choosing to have time away from the crowd to regroup and be ready to go back in and refresh those you love.
Plan! Unplanned times are one of the greatest detriments to healthy relationships. I do not mean for you to plan every detail down to the minute so there is no time to relax and visit, but sitting around “shooting the breeze” opens the way for negative talk. Plan activities such as sing times, a visit to a local museum, etc. We often do this at our family gatherings. No one is “made” to go (though most usually do), but it is a fun and interesting time that builds memories and provides positive talk once back home.
Pray! Pray for your visit and ask God to intervene in difficult situations. Also ask Him to help you be a “refresher of spirits.” Sometimes family members will not agree with or like the choices you make (especially staying in a motel or limiting your stay), but do what you need to do. Failing to do so can lead to “unhealthy relationships,” unnecessary and unwanted stress, which has a negative effect on your physical health.
Have wonderful, “healthy” holiday times this year!
Suggested Reading: Relationships Without Regrets by Marlene Evans. Marlene Evans deals at length in this book regarding having peaceful, healthy relationships during holiday times.
Additional Resources - Feeling Great & Looking Good… For the Cause of Christ by Jane Grafton
