by Kim Blakeslee

Kim has been an employee of the Hammond Baptist Schools system for nine years.

I became the single mother of two young girls early in the morning on December 22, 1994, when my husband Jeff and oldest daughter Shannon were taken to Heaven by way of a car/train accident. I had married Jeff nearly 14 years earlier, knowing that he was everything I could ever hope for and dream of in a man. I just knew in my heart as we began our lives together, that I would never have to worry about being one of those women who would face rearing my children alone. Since my parents had divorced when I was very young, I was thinking of single motherhood only in those terms. It never remotely occurred to me that Jeff would go to Heaven when he was so young, just 33 years old, and in the middle of our child-rearing years. My darling Shannon was only 12 years old. Nothing in my life had prepared me for being a widow when I was only 32 and for the death of one of my children.

And yet, here I was with the coroner knocking on my door three days before Christmas to tell me that both my husband and my daughter had died instantly only a few hours before. I know I was in shock; I could barely comprehend what he was telling me. But within minutes of his leaving my house, my two remaining daughters—Laurel, age eleven, and Tory, age nine—went with me into their bedroom to talk, cry, and pray together. I told them then what I still believe today: if God had taken their father and sister to Heaven, then that was what was best for our entire family, each and every one of us. However, I was also instantly aware of the awesome responsibility that the Lord had just placed upon my shoulders. I realized I had been given the task of finishing the rearing of Laurel and Tory, a job Jeff and I had begun together. I felt numb, overwhelmed, scared, unprepared, and a thousand other emotions. Most of all, 1 felt the most complete need for my Saviour that I had ever felt in my life. So many questions flooded my mind and heart, not the least of which was, “How am I going to be what my little girls need?”

Ten years have now passed. I can in no way describe how very different life has become for my daughters and me than it was before Jeff and Shannon left us. But Laurel and Tory are now beautiful young women, and I have had opportunity in recent days to reflect on the past decade, thinking about how good God has been and the many ways He has guided us and proven Himself faithful.

I recall receiving advice from my pastor shortly after the accident. He recommended that I try to keep as many things the same for my girls as I possibly could. For us, that involved my not moving us back home to be closer to family, since we had been living in Indiana in order for Jeff to attend Hyles-Anderson College. He also recommended some things I could do to try to give my girls an extra measure of security at a time when they surely felt that their worlds were crumbling. I did follow the advice of my pastor, knowing that I shouldn’t “make decisions while my decision-maker was broken.” His recommendations were extremely difficult for me. They involved denying myself the comfort of family, for which I so desperately longed, in order to make life more bearable for my daughters. They meant taking on a responsibility (home ownership) that I felt was more than I could bear, when I already felt overwhelmed beyond belief with other things. Now I don’t regret listening to the advice of our pastor Brother Hyles. My girls tell me that they appreciate what I did for them and that the decisions I made in those early days helped and strengthened them. Using the wisdom I received from Brother Hyles made for more stable children, which saved me and them from additional heartache down the road. (Brother Schaap is now my pastor, and I continue in my established pattern of following pastoral advice.)

The Lord also gave me strong assurance from the beginning of my single-parenting experience that I did NOT need to be both mother and father to my children, in spite of my feeling that way many times. My work load had been greatly increased it was true, but He didn’t expect me to be a father to my girls. After all, it was everything I could do just to be mom! I knew that just as He was Heavenly Father to me, so He would be to them. I found it difficult at times to trust a Father I couldn’t see, but I knew that Jesus was with Laurel and Tory everywhere they went, in everything they did. That was more than Jeff could have done! What security we had!

I have continued to attend church regularly throughout the years with my girls. I would like to tell you it’s been easy, but at various stages of grieving it has not been. Of course, for innumerable reasons, it has been imperative to our survival as individuals and as a family to not turn our backs on God, Who was our only source of help and strength. Isaiah 42:16 says, “And I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known: I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them, and not forsake them.”

Only the Lord knows His reasons for allowing our family to live through some unspeakably difficult and dark days. Only the Lord knows His reasons for allowing your family to know hardship. When you get to the place (and you will get there!) when you can look back over your single-parenting days, you will have no regrets about leaning hard on the promises of God, accepting the challenges of your situation in God’s strength, and listening to wise counsel. I am convinced that, no matter what your situation, it’s GREAT to be God’s child!

by Jaclynn Weber

I asked some of our teenage girls to write down some questions and issues they face, and I told them I would do my best to answer them. I want to share some of their questions with you, hoping that it will help you to better understand why we believe what we believe:

Question: What is wrong with working a secular job?

Answer: The job in itself is not necessarily wrong, yet it is so important whom you work with. The Bible tells us not to “fellowship with unbelievers,” which means we are not supposed to make unsaved people our closest friends. Those with whom you work can easily become your closest friends, and they can help you or hurt you. My dad was very picky when it came time for me to find a job. I was 15 years old and wanted to work “out” somewhere. I thought it would be fun to be a waitress, and I could not understand why my dad did not agree. He said I could work at a library, a bakery (I would have been huge because I love donuts!), or…well, those were my choices!

Obviously, no one really hires 15 year olds, so I began teaching piano to beginner students at home. That was 10 years ago, and I am still teaching piano, and I love it. Not only do I have a job I love, but I am teaching people how to use their talents for God.

Some of my friends, however, did get their “big” job, and today they are wandering aimlessly through life because someone at work hurt them and in some cases even ruined their lives.

Question:: What is wrong with going to the movies?

Answer: This is a common question from teenagers, and I asked it myself when I was a teenager. Again, let me say that there may not be anything wrong with the movie itself; in fact, it maybe cleaner than the ones you bring home to watch (which is just as wrong by the way). It is, however, part of “fellowshipping with unbelievers,” and it is not an atmosphere in which I think most of you would want to meet Jesus. Would you be surprised to see your pastor’s wife at the movie you went to? If so, then why should it be okay for you to go? Are you less of a person than she is? If it is not okay for one person to go, it is not okay for anyone to go.

At the same time, bringing worldly movies full of swearing and immorality into your house is just as sinful and destructive to your life. I definitely think our teenage girls could use a revival in the things we watch at home. If you would not want me to watch it with you, then what are you doing watching it?

Question:: What is wrong with rock music? (Country, R&B, Rap, Pop, Oldies, etc…)

Answer: I began listening to some music I should not have been listening to when I was 16 years old. I would turn it on in the car, and sometimes my little brother was with me. I did not see anything really wrong with it at the time, but about a year later I quit listening to it, and my relationship with God immediately improved. My brother, however, struggled with listening to rock music for quite a while after I did. He eventually gave it up and began listening to good music, but I felt bad that I had had such an influence over my brother. I did not even realize the influence I had at that age, and I used it to hurt him instead of helping him to become a better person.

Any music that pulls your heart away from God is the wrong music. When you turn your radio or your CD player off, do you feel closer to God? Does the music you listen to make you think about how great God is? If so, your music is the right kind. If not, you need to get your music and your heart right with God.

Here is an example of the right kind of music:

“Turn your eyes upon Jesus;

Look full in His wonderful face,

And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,

In the light of His glory and grace.”

Now, read the lyrics to one of your favorite songs.

1.         Do the words mention anything about God besides taking His name in vain?

2.         Do the words make you feel better about yourself, your parents, your life, and your friends, or do they make you feel depressed, lonely, and insecure?

Remember, if it’s doubtful, don’t do it. If you are unsure, stay away from it.

I will answer more questions in later issues, and you can feel free to write me anytime with a personal question. In closing, though, let me list a few questions you should ask yourself concerning any issue you face as a teenager:

1)         Is it pleasing to God? Would you feel comfortable if He were doing it with you?

2)         Would your parents be disappointed with you if they found out?

3)         Does it make you feel closer to God?

4)         Is it helping you to become a better person?

If your answer is no to any of these questions, then it is wrong. God’s way is really quite simple—either it is right or it is wrong. The words “adequate,” “okay,” “on the border,” “gray areas” are not acceptable words to God.

I don’t want to live my life just getting by. I want to do something worthwhile and make a difference in people’s lives. If you want to do more than just exist, then make sure your life—every part of it—is pleasing to God.

Additional Resources - The Highest Calling by Jaclynn Weber

by Cricket Boyd

Cricket is the wife of Bill Boyd, a part-time faculty member at Hyles-Anderson College.

My husband was involved in a construction accident on February 11, 1999, which left him a quadriplegic. That day I became our financial advisor. Prior to this day I only dealt in cash which my husband would give me for my allowance. Mind you, I loved it! I had to learn how to pay bills, balance a checkbook, pay taxes, keep money in the bank without the words “insufficient funds” coming in the mail, prepare to buy a new home, purchase a car for our daughter Tisha, and keep her in college. Saving money is something all of us want to do. Most aspire to do it but never quite get around to it. Or maybe you are the one who says, “There’s no use—just forget it!”

As a child I remember going to a rummage sale in a department store in Texas with my mom. This was to be my first and last in my young life of six years. There was a large table with many items that were apparently wanted by more than one person in the room.

You know the old story, and you can see the scene running through your mind. One woman on one side of the table and another woman on the other side with a child in tow (me!)— each grab an item, their hands come up, and they are holding the very same item! A tug-of-war ensues.

“Hey! I had it first!”

“No! You didn’t!”

“Yes, I did!”

The next thing I remember, we were standing outside the store, looking around, and both Mom and I had a fearful look on our face. Then the laughter came. No doubt you have heard the saying, “Don’t mess with Texas!” I learned one very valuable lesson that day: “Don’t mess with Mama!”

While growing up, I babysat the neighborhood kids and saved what I had earned. When I had saved $13, I went to Zales Jewelry Store and purchased my first beautiful diamond chip set in a ring. Then I moved on to fashion. I saved enough money to purchase a new outfit, so off to G. C. Murphy’s we went. I was on top of the corporate world! Work, save, wait for the sale, and then spend.

I passed this love of savings, waiting, searching, and then spending on to my two girls, Kristy and Tisha, my greatest joys! I taught the girls to “keep the change!” Let me explain: If you buy something for $1.01, “keep the change,” and deposit the 99 cents into a savings jar. By the year’s end, you may have saved as much as $350 to spend at Christmastime or for a new kitchen stove or to go to the greatest garage sale ever— in Indianapolis in May. This is the one where you clear your schedule a year in advance, and do or die, you go! I have personally furnished my house with some very exquisite items from around the world via yard sales. My girls wore the best of clothes—all bought from garage sales, GW Enterprise (Goodwill), or end-of-the-year sales at our favorite stores. I love being able to save 99% of our spending money for what we need or just plain want.

Though I had already developed some good practices, I still had to learn how to survive after my husband’s accident. The following are some practices we adopted:

1.         Cut up the credit cards. After paying off the credit cards in 32 days, I destroyed them.

2.         Pay the bill the same day it is received. When the bill came, I wrote out a check for it and mailed it that day.

3.         Learn that just because something has numbers and looks like a bill does not mean that it is a bill. I learned this one the hard way, but in a funny way. Our town sent out assessments for town taxes, and the information on the assessment made it appear like a bill, so I paid it! Someone in the assessor’s office called and said, “Mrs. Boyd, this wasn’t a bill. This was just an assessment or approximate value on your property and what your taxes might be.” I told her I had never been in charge of the finances and explained my husband’s situation. “If it looks like a bill, I pay it!”

She laughed, and I laughed, and we both learned a lesson: read the portion that says, “THIS IS NOT A BILL.”

4.         Learn how to balance a checkbook. I became so proficient at this that my boss at a real estate office handed me his ten multi-million-dollar accounts to balance and reconcile monthly. Sometimes his wife would come to me with the checkbooks in hand and say, “I can’t find where I made a mistake. Can you find the $10,000 I have lost?”

In my head I was saying, “Are you kidding? Me find $10,000?” as I would be telling her, “Sure, no problem.”

I would find the error for her and show her the problem with her calculations in the checkbook.

5.         Learn how to prepare a tax return. Once again, I became so proficient in this area that my boss asked me to prepare the 1099s for the year.

6.         Learn how to purchase a home without being cheated. This is a good one! All I can say is, “Girls, keep up your guard.” Don’t jump at the very first house that you see. Compare the prices of houses that have sold in the neighborhood, drive by the house at many different times of the day, see how quiet the neighborhood is, and sit back and watch.

This article contains just a very small “dot” of how I did it, but you can too! God teaches us all of this in His wonderful “how-to” Book called the Bible. Proverbs 31 has been my manual of choice for the last seven years. I have so much to learn, but I must say I have great teachers.

Our husbands do so much for us, and we never even think about it. We just come to expect it. I thank God for my husband and for all that he had done and is now doing for our home and family—all the while being paralyzed from the middle of his chest and down. What a great man I have!

by Cindy Schaap

November is the month of my favorite holiday—Thanksgiving! On Thanksgiving Day, I take the time to read my journal from the past year. As many of our regular readers know, I write down one thing God did each day to show me He loves me. I ask God to show Himself to me, and then I write down one way that He did.

In order to celebrate Thanksgiving with you in this issue, I am including three illustrations from my 2006 journal.

I had been corresponding with a reader named Shannon Truckner whose father was dying of cancer. Shortly after Shannon’s father went to Heaven, she wrote me a letter telling me of his death. In that letter she shared that she had asked her father for something she should look for after he went to Heaven to remind her of him. He admonished her to look for goldfinches. While reading Shannon’s letter, I was interrupted by Gina Eyer, our projects manager at Christian Womanhood.

“Mrs. Schaap,” she said, “the March 2006 issue of Christian Womanhood just arrived.” She handed it to me, and as I looked at it, I was reminded that I had chosen a very large picture of a goldfinch to be the cover for March. I looked at the magazine, and I looked at the letter from my friend Shannon, and I said as I so often do, “I see you, Jesus; I know You love me, and I love You too.”

Knowing that Shannon receives the Christian Womanhood magazine each month, I knew she would be comforted by seeing its cover. I thanked God that He is interested in comforting Shannon, and I thanked Him that He leads and guides me as I make my daily decisions. We generally work two to three months ahead on our magazine, so I probably chose that goldfinch cover sometime in December or January. I had no way of knowing that it would be coming in the mail so soon after the death of Shannon’s dad, nor did I know the significance of the goldfinch in his life. But God knew….

Journal Entry

February 28, 2006. I received a letter from a girl whose father just died. She asked him what to look for to think of him after he’s gone. He said, “Goldfinches.” Right after reading her letter, the March Christian Womanhood paper came in (which she gets), and a big goldfinch was on the front cover. God is so good! And so involved!!!!

I had a large picnic basket that I kept in my living room. I used it year round both for decoration and for storage. I noticed that it was becoming frayed at the edges. “I really don’t feel like spending any money on a picnic basket,” I said to myself. I enjoyed having a picnic basket in that place, and I needed it for storage, but I did not enjoy looking at its frayed edges. We try to keep our home liveable, but we also try to keep it first-class. Almost on a whim, I prayed, “God, send me a new picnic basket.”

The following Sunday in church, a lady was visiting who teaches basket making. Her family introduced her as a visitor, and I believe it was an usher who shouted to Brother Schaap at the pulpit, “This lady has brought a picnic basket that she has made for Mrs. Schaap.” My husband, also on a whim (he doesn’t usually do this type of thing), said, “Well, bring the basket up to Mrs. Schaap right now.”

I sit on the front row of the choir. This usher proceeded to walk down the aisle, up to the large platform, to my choir chair to hand me a beautiful, large non-frayed picnic basket. It looked great for both storage and decoration. I was beaming! I almost felt like my face must have seemed a little overly excited about a picnic basket. I wanted to stand up and tell the whole church right then what God had done.

I couldn’t believe the miraculous way that God had chosen to give me my basket. He had answered my prayer in “great and mighty ways” which I knew not and in a way that was “exceeding abundantly above all” that I could ask or think. I ask God to show Himself in ways that will seem great and miraculous to me, and He does!

On the handle of the picnic basket, there is wood-burning. The wood-burning forms the phrase “Basket of Blessings.” I bowed my head during prayer and thanked the Lord, not only for showing Himself to me in such a unique way, but also for loving me and being interested in me. He even answers the prayers that are prayed on whim.

Journal Entry

May 7, 2006. Great day at church. I received a picnic basket. I had prayed for a new one, and a visitor brought one to church, and it was brought to me on the platform. God is good and answers my prayers in specific ways.

A young lady who had grown up in our church waited some time for God to give her a baby. A very healthy baby girl came along. It took some time for a second baby to come along, but finally one was on the way. Soon after, the doctor gave the devastating news that the baby “would look like a monster, would be terribly deformed, and would probably live at the most one year.”

I was so proud of the reaction of this husband and wife as they carried the news in their hearts about the deformed baby, while the mother carried the baby in her womb.

I cried and cried for this young mother. I also prayed. I wrote the young mother’s name in my Bible beside these words, “And Jesus looking upon them saith, With men it is impossible, but not with God: for with God all things are possible.” (Mark 10:27) I read it frequently and prayed for her. A month or so later, the doctor told the young mother, “We believe there is a mistake; the baby might be normal.” Just this past week, a completely healthy baby girl was born to this couple.

I know that God was answering the prayers of this dedicated mother and father. He was also answering their parents’ and their pastor’s prayers. But I also believe that God was answering mine. That is what keeps me praying. I see every answer to my prayers as a DIRECT answer from God to me.

Journal Entry

July 22, 2006. Emily Riley had a healthy baby girl today. Praise the Lord! (See front cover)

Allow me to summarize this article in the following points.

1.         Praise God this Thanksgiving for His willingness to answer our prayer for leadership and guidance. (Remember the goldfinch.)

2.         Praise God for His interest in showing Himself to us through even the prayers spoken on a whim. (Remember the picnic basket.)

3.         See every answer to prayer as being a love sign directly from God to you. (Remember our precious baby.)

4.         Take EVERYTHING to God in prayer.

5.         Praise God for EVERYTHING.

I believe that God answers even my whimsical prayers because I spend a lot of time in prayer. I also spend a lot of time praising for everything I notice around me. God knows that His works will not be overlooked by me. I am as prone to wander into complacency as anyone else, so on this Thanksgiving Day 2006, I am praying one extra special prayer. I am praying that nothing God does in my life will be overlooked, but that He will continually receive my attention through the gift of praise.

Hebrews 13:15, “By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to his name.”

Additional Resources: Living on the Bright Side by Cindy Schaap

by Karen Allen

Karen is a teacher at the Hammond Baptist Special Needs School in Schererville, Indiana.

Working with special needs children is one of the most exciting and rewarding jobs anyone could have. Most readers will disagree with that statement unless they have taught special needs children or are the parent of one. In our Hammond Baptist Schools we have the opportunity to help train college students by allowing them to have on-the-job training in various parts of our schools. In the Junior High the prospective student teachers spend two weeks of their eight weeks of training in our special needs classroom. Usually the attitude on the first day is one of panic. They are afraid of working with our students because of a preconceived idea of what a special needs student is. They are conditioned, as many of us are, to see the “differences” in people rather than similarities. In general, it only takes a few minutes of time in our class to see an attitude change take place. Fear soon changes to acceptance and love as the college student begins to see each student as an individual. Our students laugh like all the children do, they hurt like children do, they cry just like others do. They rejoice like others, but they demonstrate love much more openly than most. The children in our classroom, like all children in the world, learn in a few seconds’ time just who will allow them to get by with what and whether directions really need to be followed. Almost to a person, before two weeks of training is finished, the college student will say that the weeks he or she dreaded the most have become the favorite.

Isn’t this example similar to all the opportunities of life that God gives us? We see what we perceive as a dreaded task facing us, and immediately we have our emotions ready to receive it in a negative way. Our attitudes are set. Fear takes over. We feel helpless. We are unable to recognize God’s love in the form of something we dread We know we must go on, and we are faced with a choice. We may choose anger and bitterness over the trial, or we may choose acceptance and God’s help. If we are wise, we will cry out to God for help. At this moment He begins to show us how this task can become a blessing if we will only look at it through His eyes.

“My God shall supply all your need,” you tell yourself. “This must be something I need.”

“All things work together for good,” you say. “This hurts, but it is for my good.”

“God loves me,” you say. “This task was sent in love.”

“In all things give thanks,” you say. You begin to thank God for sending the trial, and suddenly your attitude begins to change. As you tell God how thankful you are for the trial, you begin to see ways in which you can use the trial to strengthen your faith. You begin to see how God is molding you to become more like Him. You begin to see how you can help others face similar trials. You begin to see the trial as a blessing because of all the ways in which it has enriched your life. Now you can say to God, “Thank You for sending this trial my way. I did not choose it, but I understand some of the reason You sent it my way. I believe I am a better person because of it.

by Jane Grafton, Managing Editor of Christian Womanhood

Evangelist Kevin Walker is also a field representative for Hyles-Anderson College. When the Walker family was in her area, my sister Joan invited the Walkers to her house for dinner and an evening of fellowship. She later called and told me what a great time they’d had singing, playing games, and visiting. She said, “They are so healthy to be around.” What Joan meant was that the Walkers are the type of people who uplift, encourage, help, and influence for eternity. I Corinthians 16:18a says, “For they have refreshed my spirit and your’s….” “Healthy” people refresh the spirit of others. “Unhealthy” people cause others to feel negative and discouraged.

With holidays coming—Thanksgiv-ing, Christmas and New Year’s—I want to address the issue of “healthy” relationships. Most people get together with extended family during holiday times. Whether saved or unsaved, there are extended family members who are “healthy” and “unhealthy.”

Exactly what do “healthy” people do that refreshes the spirit of others?

They Are Careful With Their Words.

1.         They talk of positives—the blessings of the Lord, nature, good family memories, etc.

2.         They look for the good and praise rather than criticize. They keep negative opinions to themselves.

3.         They talk about ideas rather than people. (Talk about people almost always turns negative.)

4.         They find “common ground” and keep the conversation on those subjects instead of bringing up controversial issues where family members disagree.

They Have a Great Sense of Humor.

1.         Proverbs 17:22 says, “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.”

2.         “Healthy” people find humor in situations and laugh a lot. They easily and often laugh at themselves, but their humor is not found in putting others down and getting a laugh at someone else’s expense.

They Have Good, Clean Fun.

1.         Their humor is clean. They don’t seem to have the need to tell off-color jokes to get a laugh.

2.         They play games such as Monopoly, Scrabble, and other board games with lots of fun and laughter interspersed throughout the game.

They Realize That People Are More Important Than Things.

1.         They would rather spend time with the people they came to visit than sit and play video games or watch television, both of which lead to very little interaction between family members.

2.         If something is broken or damaged, they are more concerned about the person who damaged it than the “thing.” I recall one year at my sister Jan’s, one of the children knocked a knickknack off of a shelf and broke it. The mother felt so bad, but Jan’s response was, “Oh, no big deal.” She went on to let the mother know she was not upset about the broken “pretty.” Jan has a beautiful home that is nicely decorated, and she takes care of and carefully maintains her house, but she keeps her “things” in proper perspective.

WHAT TO DO

What should you do if your holiday gatherings are sometimes “unhealthy,” or what should you do if you want to keep them from becoming that way? First, put into practice the characteristics previously listed. You will also benefit from instituting the following principles:

Limit your visit. Years ago I learned a wonderful principle from Marlene Evans, the founder of Christian Womanhood. She explained that it did not matter if someone is driving only a few hours to visit loved ones or flying across the country. Her suggestion was that you never visit for more than three to five days. (Sometimes much less depending on circumstances.) Proverbs 25:17 says, “Withdraw thy foot from thy neighbour’s house; lest he be weary of thee, and so hate thee.” Even in the closest of families and the healthiest of situations, it is best not to “overstay” your welcome. Also, don’t stay longer than you should for the well-being of your family. Just because you have the time off of school or work does not mean you should spend the entire vacation away from home.

Stay at a motel. To save money, families often “pile in” on each other. This can quickly lead to negative situations. People need their space and their privacy. Choosing to stay at a motel is not making a statement that you don’t love your family. Quite the opposite. Because you love them and want quality time with them, you are choosing to have time away from the crowd to regroup and be ready to go back in and refresh those you love.

Plan! Unplanned times are one of the greatest detriments to healthy relationships. I do not mean for you to plan every detail down to the minute so there is no time to relax and visit, but sitting around “shooting the breeze” opens the way for negative talk. Plan activities such as sing times, a visit to a local museum, etc. We often do this at our family gatherings. No one is “made” to go (though most usually do), but it is a fun and interesting time that builds memories and provides positive talk once back home.

Pray! Pray for your visit and ask God to intervene in difficult situations. Also ask Him to help you be a “refresher of spirits.” Sometimes family members will not agree with or like the choices you make (especially staying in a motel or limiting your stay), but do what you need to do. Failing to do so can lead to “unhealthy relationships,” unnecessary and unwanted stress, which has a negative effect on your physical health.

Have wonderful, “healthy” holiday times this year!

Suggested Reading: Relationships Without Regrets by Marlene Evans. Marlene Evans deals at length in this book regarding having peaceful, healthy relationships during holiday times.

Additional Resources - Feeling Great & Looking Good… For the Cause of Christ by Jane Grafton

by Julie Busby

Many years before I was saved, I worked as an early childhood teacher at a shelter for battered women and children. There was a little girl there with fine blonde straggly hair and striking blue eyes that had a wisdom behind them far beyond their five years. Her name was Emma, and she was brought in because she suffered from serious neglect and abuse by the very hands that were supposed to protect her. When I first met Emma she would slowly rock back and forth in a corner while huddled in a ball. As I began to interact with her, she would follow me and sit down and begin her rocking again.

On one very memorable day, Emma sat waiting for me, still huddled in her ball but this time with bright expectant eyes watching my every move. I brought out the toys ready to begin my day. I will never forget that day. Emma stood up and put her hand on mine and pulled me toward a pretty Barbie doll, “Miss Julie, will you love me, will you promise not to hurt me? Will you protect me? Will you make me feel important? Will you show me how to laugh?” At that moment I realized the importance of time, of love, of play in a child’s life. I have not forgotten little Emma.

I am now a mother of two beautiful boys. Life can get very busy and chaotic with housecleaning, preparing meals, my daily devotions, endless loads of laundry, grocery shopping, squeezing in phone calls with friends, feeding the dogs, being a help to my husband…and that’s just my routine in the morning!

Oh wait…I hear something…. “What did you say, Mario? You want Mommy to play with you? Okay, as soon as I get this phone call in, mop the floor, and put away these clothes….” An hour goes by, and I have forgotten that I need to bake some cookies for one of the girls in my Sunday school class.

Well, Mom, YOU know how this goes; you could probably finish the article yourself. Yet this time a face came into my mind, little Emma’s. I stopped what I was doing, put down my mop, and sat down next to my youngest and helped him put his toy cars in a long line. We didn’t talk much, just played.

I always know when I don’t spend enough play time with my young boys. I must make an effort to spend at least 30 quality minutes to an hour with each of them EVERY DAY. Sometimes they want me to play blocks with them; sometimes they want me to take them to a thrift store and shop for toys. Sometimes we just act goofy and pretend to wrestle.

There are days when things are so hectic that I miss these times. When I do, my boys often start to fuss with each other, whine, or get in “trouble.” It is on these days that I realize that the laundry can wait. My boys will only be five and six for such a short moment in time. It is a time I schedule, like I schedule a doctor’s appointment or attending church. Time, play, and love are powerful tools to make your child a radiant one!

Ten Quick Creative

Ideas to Interact With Your Child

1.         Make homemade play dough and put out your rolling pins and cookie cutters.

2.         On a warm spring/summer day, get a large bucket. Add some bubbles, throw in a few floating objects, and enjoy some water fun.

3.         Get out some old scraps of material or odd objects and make a collage on a large piece of construction paper.

4.         Buy a bag of gravel and put it in a large bucket. Add some toy cars and shovels (outside activity!).

5.         On a snowy day, get a large bucket of snow and put it in your bathtub. Get out your mittens and make a snowman in the bathtub!

6.         Go to the thrift store and purchase some silly outfits and play dress up.

7.         On a rainy day pack a picnic lunch, make a play tent in your living room, and have a picnic!

8.         Get out finger paint, some newspaper, and some old t-shirts for your kids and paint away!

9.         Have a story hour where you have your child bring all his stuffed animals. Have them sit in a little row and tell stories that your child picks out.

10.        Make a pizza together. Sing silly songs and invite one of your child’s friends to join you to eat the pizza.

Additional Resources: Training Kings and Queens by Cindy Schaap

by Joy Staton

Carlos and Joy Staton are longtime members of First Baptist Church of Hammond. They sing in the adult choir and are frequent guest vocalists in Sunday school classes.

As a teenager, I was quite a party girl—pity party, that is! Because of my persistent poor attitude, everything I was told to do by my parents became drudgery. I made myself a slave, not of my parents, but of my own sinful will. I felt I had the right to talk back to my mother. I was afraid to do so with my dad, but the attitude was still present. And so, I wasted my precious teen years in a miserable prison of my own making. I was like the little boy in the “Peanuts” cartoon strip who had a continual dark cloud over his head.

One of my weekly tasks was to do our family’s ironing. My mom’s procedure was that on the first day, I was to sprinkle each piece of clothing with water. I would then wad each item into a small ball, put them in a large plastic bag, and then place the tightly closed bag on the bottom shelf of the refrigerator until we all ran out of things to wear. One hot summer day, I was slaving over the ironing board ironing my dad’s work shirts and brooding over my terrible lot in life. I thought I knew how Cinderella must have felt. But where was my handsome prince? Then, for some reason, I began thinking about our own dad; I envisioned how hard he had always worked and how he never complained, no matter what happened. The more I thought, the more I cried, thinking of both him and my mom and how they had always loved and sacrificed for us. They never thought of themselves, but only of my sister’s and my welfare. That day I thanked the Lord for both of them. This was almost like an ‘out of body’ experience for a girl who had only fixated on herself. That day was the turning point in a selfish teenager’s life.

From that time on, every week as I was ironing, the sweat still dripped down my face, but it no longer mattered. I began to pray for each person as I ironed his or her garment—even my sister’s!

This practice has followed me through forty years of marriage and raising two children. Now every time I iron my wonderful husband’s clothing, I pray for him and thank the Lord for him. My drudgery has turned into blessing!

Additional Resources: A Peaceful Marriage by Cindy Schaap

by Brian Hasse

High School Youth Director at First Baptist Church of Hammond, Indiana

My wife wanted to have my oldest son Troy make a card for his K-5 teacher on the last day of school. We had taken some pictures with my digital camera at his graduation, so my wife asked me to print out a picture of Troy and his teacher.

I took out the memory card and plugged it into our computer. I had purchased some new software for photos, and the program automatically opened. It read that there were over 450 pictures on the card. It asked me to choose what pictures I wanted to copy to the photo album. I chose the pictures we had taken on Monday to move to a folder labeled “Troy’s Graduation” The software then asked if I wanted to delete all the pictures after copying. I pushed “Yes.”

As soon as I did, I realized the mistake I had made, so I hit “cancel.” I then went through the process of again choosing the pictures, and I pushed “No” when the question “Delete ALL pictures?” flashed on the screen. My wife was standing next to me. I looked at her and said, “Wow! Could you imagine if I had deleted all those pictures?”

Those were priceless pictures. Trinity’s first birthday, Easter Sunday, and my parents’ fiftieth anniversary party were just some of the 450-plus pictures on the memory card. I walked away while the pictures copied to the new folder. When I came back a few minutes later, I printed out the picture my wife asked me for. I then returned to copy all the rest of the pictures onto the computer. But when I opened the folder where all the pictures were, it was empty!

I took the memory card out of the computer and re-inserted it. The same software program opened up, but it said, “No files found.” Now I was getting concerned. I took the card out and pushed it in again. Same software program, same message. Now my heart was pounding pretty hard. Thankfully, my wife was sitting upstairs, not suspecting anything was wrong. I went upstairs and grabbed my camera. I put in the memory card, and sure enough, it was empty. Somehow all the pictures we had taken over the past four months were gone!

I yelled at my computer. I spent 30 minutes scouring my camera and computer looking for those deleted files. Finally, in a last-ditch effort, I went to Google and typed in “lost pictures on digital camera memory card.” I figured I’d get some Website where people would boo-hoo together about the stories of how they lost memories of a lifetime.

Instead, a Website popped up that said, “recover deleted photos.” My heart skipped a beat as I clicked on this site. I downloaded a trial version of the software. It said to insert the card. I did. The software began to run a scan to recover the deleted files. Imagine my happiness as I saw picture after picture pop onto my screen—pictures I thought I had lost forever. I had to buy the full version to save my lost photos, but it was well worth the money to get back what I had deleted. Somehow those files were still written on the memory card even after they could no longer be seen on a computer or a camera.

I began thinking about the training that goes into Christian kids. It doesn’t matter where you go and what you do, what you have learned will always be with you. The many Sunday school lesson you have heard taught by faithful Sunday school teachers will never leave you. All the sermons you have heard will follow you for the rest of your life. The Bible verses you have memorized will always be a part of you. Those verses will be a lamp unto your feet and a light unto your path while you travel on the road of life.

Dr. Eddie Lapina was telling me a story about a young man he met recently in a department store. The boy had attended Hammond Baptist Schools his entire life, but during his senior year, he was expelled for drinking. Brother Eddie had not seen this boy for years. They shook hands and chatted a while, and as Brother Eddie turned to leave, the boy asked him to do one thing. He asked Brother Eddie to say hello to Dr. Boyd, the principal at Hammond Baptist High School. Brother Eddie agreed and again turned to leave.

The boy stopped Brother Lapina one more time and said, “You know, even though I am not living at all like I was trained, I still know what I should be doing. I’ve never forgotten what Dr. Boyd taught me.”

I couldn’t help but think how that young man is just like my memory card. If you look at his spiritual life, you won’t see what you’re looking for, but if you look deeper, you’ll find that everything is still there waiting to be accessed and used.

by Ann Duff

Ann is the wife of Terry Duff, the first vice-chairman of the deacon board at First Baptist Church of Hammond, Indiana.

Recently as I was rummaging through a dresser drawer, I came across my “hanky box,” which is a worn-out box that used to hold scented dusting powder. Now it contains stacks of old, beautiful handkerchiefs that are keepsakes to me. As I was browsing through the box, I thought, “Who in the world has a hanky box in the year 2006? In this generation of disposable everything, does anyone even use a hanky anymore?” In the box are handkerchiefs from each of my grandmothers. In a way, they are a symbol of the women themselves. These thoughts as I looked at the hankies took me back in time to the memories I have of my grandmas.

They are not fancy, delicate hankies. One hanky belonging to my Grandma Mimmy is as thin as gauze with a narrow crocheted edging. This hanky was tucked in her ample bosom so it was in reach when she needed to mop her brow or wipe a tear. It was also used to dab a scraped knee or blow the nose of a grandchild. The hankies remind me of the way she smelled—not perfumy, but a well-scrubbed clean smell. I wonder if it was the starch in her cotton dress and apron that made her smell so good.

She was fair-skinned with curly, unruly hair. The only way she knew how to tame her hair was to plaster it down in small waves all over her head. One of her favorite things was chewing gum which she called “wax.” Because she didn’t have gum, she chewed paraffin used for canning instead.

She knew nothing of the “Me Generation.” She was no stranger to hard labor or sorrow. In 1929 she became a widow with four children faced with the overwhelming prospect of rearing them alone. I know she never heard of postpartum depression. The only Depression she knew of was the one she and the rest of the nation was suffering through. When she had reared her three sons to young manhood, each one served overseas during World War II in a different branch of the military. Her only son-in-law who was in the Army lost an arm in combat.

When I think of the hardships she endured all of her life, it does pull at my heart. She eventually remarried and had another child. In 1960 when she lived in a small town in a neat little house, she willingly gave it up to move back to the farm (outhouse included) with no running water except for the pump at her kitchen sink. We didn’t hear her complain. Her house was on a dirt road, and like most farm houses, there were two front doors. On hot summer days when a car drove by, billows of dust blew in her house. The brutal winters were the opposite extreme with their own set of hardships. We still didn’t hear her complain.

You didn’t have to call ahead to let her know you were coming for supper. Everyone was always welcome, and there was always plenty of food. Everyone in the family remembers her motto: “We can always find a way.”

Through it all, she was sunshine personified. I truly have never met a happier, more giving person who lived her life for others. No one had told her she had to be fulfilled in life. She knew she was doing what she loved best, and that was caring for her family. With ten grandchildren, I don’t know how she managed to make each one of us feel like we were her favorite. When she gave us a hug, we knew we were being hugged. My Grandma’s original nickname for me was “Annayesee.” She combined my name with “yes” in answer to my countless questions!